Wanderer: A Tale of One Girl (Story)

Mahima Nanda

[A curious student of mine portrays the rags of misogynistic society wherein women deserves a place in the close walls to do the household chores. The modern and educated students are, in fact, breaking the prejudice and hence the society rejected them, if not directly then indirectly. To put in other words, the society or system, as well as, the leaders are afraid not of any revolution but of women. If you come to know what they stand for, then the rule of man will be a thing of past which could remain recorded in the older books. For the curtailment of their rights, they are bind with the shackles of family, tradition, culture and society. After reading this small piece, one has to conclude, whether it is biographical, autobiographical, social, political, exclusion, anti-prejudice, modern, or post-modern. Whatever be the answer, the readers are free to observe it, some in one sense while other in other.)

The text runs thus:

Wanderer: A Tale of One Girl (Story)

Who are you? I am a wanderer, a free thinker, a lover, a peace-maker, a rebel, a revolutionist, a seeker, a woman, a healer, a forgiver; Sheena's Radha. But I am not going to be this forever, neither ever I was all or any of these before. 

I clearly remember the how's and when's of the change in my persona. The shedding of my old being giving way to what I am today. I am still unsatisfied with my being which is always looking for growth from every aspect to be more humane. 

I was timid, coward, naive and a shy girl, say, five years from now. So, what happened and what brought a tremendous amount of improvement in the way I look at myself and others today? I realise it was the act of "forgiving". 

After years of dealing with the guilt, shame, fear and nightmares I finally took the courage to forgive myself and my father who crowned me with the title of incest. He, along with many other men, most of whom were closely related to me, abused not only my body but also my soul on different occasions. 

I hadn't known the depth of their actions then when I was the victim of their culprit actions and, thus, I stayed quiet for years. Later in life, I started suffering and dealt with intense depression, all alone. " 

When sleeping women wake, mountains may move", a Chinese quote relates to my journey of emancipation. There were times when I tried to commit suicide, become a pothead, look for real love from many unconscious men, look for somebody to answer my questions, look for a father and a family. 

There was also the time when I faced the bitter truth of being alone in this world which everyone of us deals with a lot of courage. That was the phase which brought me closer to myself, I knew then that nobody but I will have to be my own lover, my own father and my own family only if I forgive these men for their actions and myself for taking the blame. 

Slowly and gradually I pulled myself up and started noticing my surroundings, realising the fact that the world is such a beautiful place if we have a compassionate heart to feel it. I started travelling to look for more and more and more AND MORE of it. 

I found it all over India, my country. Today I have a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a dadi, a mami, a nana, a family in various regions of India and they all have blessed me by making me a small part of them and by sharing their unconditional love over and over again. 

In this awakened journey I also found a lover who fills the space, gives respect plus shares his conscious love which I also now have for myself. He encourages me to keep loving myself over anybody or anything. 

This, friend, is the Radha in me.